perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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