sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
