Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize