Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
