i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
