Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize