I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
