just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
