Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
