You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize