I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
