btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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