your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
