And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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