Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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