when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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