I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
