I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
