Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dick very happy bro
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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