He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize