five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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