he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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