my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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