i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
