I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
