some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize