Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
