I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
