She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
