You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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