I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
