Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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