Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize