That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
