Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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