haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
