its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
