I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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