we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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