if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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