Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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