I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
