do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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