90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
