I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
