i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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