I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
