So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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