His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
