my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
