Don't you send me to vm
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
