The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
