it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
