My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
