quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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