the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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