Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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