Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
