Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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