He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
