so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
