Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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