You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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