I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
