I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my fart just growled at me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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