when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize