the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
