I didn't shave. On purpose
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
