end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize