if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
