When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
