My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
