I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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