i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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