Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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