I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
