i just google imaged poop.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
