Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
