hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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