He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
