That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
