who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
