Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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