my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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