i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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