every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
