He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize