wanna go halves on a baby?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
