I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize