hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
