remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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