i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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