after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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