If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
