I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
