1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
