I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
