Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
